we met one april day, I saw you through the window, your were laughing,
a moment of awe and bewilderment,
you joined me with a half empty cup of coffee,
we met two nights later,
you tried to seduce me, a little drunk,
you gripped me so hard,
you never wanted to let go,
I saw your colorful jeans, and said,
those white shoes are you,
your crazy wonderful brown eyes,
driving over the country, alone,
you couldn’t stop talking,
holding my hand,
my happiness was intwined,
singing from my heart, how crazy I was,
I wanted to run to you – you were afraid to touch,
closer,
dreaming of a radiant sun, crashing unto your weight,
commitment so far though from your mind,
traveling to a distant country,
you told me nothing, there was only a body,
I didn’t join the marriage party, you bought a wonderful dress,
you debated so long of, there was a time alone,
on the beach, surfing, calling, hiding in the bathroom,
you got picked up by a different man,
how jealous I became – knowing of a different path,
no longer there was this last long call you said goodbye,
your voice so silent, stuck,
that weekend I felt with pain waiting for your answers,
that night you called, confused, full of guilt, I should pass;
my heart dropped, a quick burning, the thought truth,
I answered to ask to fly, and you thought – one last time
You came to visit; truly I cried in bed next to you for the first time,
saddened, you forgotten your heart,
you said, it was just for fun, you wanted to leave,
too much to bear, to have with me,
one last warm bath, a quick hug on the gate, the words;
“I hope you come to see me soon again”
on the way to see, you, my words on the phone, your decision
“goodbye”; sank in, a weekend past,
a long walk on the beach with that different man, you realize,
crying for days, about what really happened,
was it really love? you called, frantic, confused,
a long talk, a night, I am calm, the truth,
my heart beat for you, but my question rang;
can I love myself for the love I have for you,
I left for europe, a few weeks, we called, we wrote,
your love grew, for me, was it true?
fantasizing to be there, here, with me, next to me,
so you came, I kissed, hugged you, the feeling of ecstasy,
my heart, full,
we went on a journey again, through the streets of europe,
in its time, joined by my loved friend, you meeting him,
driving through thick snow, mountain heights, singing, dancing,
talking with no end, there was only you, on that night in vienna,
gripping you next to me, you said the words – I love you;
filling me with warmth, deep inside,
the flight left soon, driving fast, talking faster, thinking about our future,
when will we move? – scared about decisions – where will we move?
in the end the idea to go to san francisco; I stayed for the winter, trying to find a stay,
your hopes up high, writing “welcome home”
you felt lost when it didn’t come its way; though how profound that christmas was,
realizing your decisions in your life of important things, telling me for the new year; “I am the love of your life”
nothing could be more a present that day,
I met your family, surprised you were how much they fell in love, bedazzled in awe – how could they?
smiling accepting, the last day we stayed, that month,
before I was off leaving back to work that different man called,
you feeling odd, I was distraught; why did he call; you questioning every thought,
knowing it would hurt my heart, though you shared, every thought, we talked,
I visited again, frustrating about our passion, frustration, nabbed into a few days,
we argued, pressured to work, you told me how fucked up we are,
packing my bags, I stopped knowing our drama, tired I relent,
on a miss planned day, you feel fishy, ask me if I was alone in that dreadful pink florida room,
that night we had a conversation – about our day; you asked me what I really want;
selfish; the truth was to move, start a new were I always wanted to be,
you had to think for yourself at first, telling me later, you want to go earlier,
to europe, that weekend you left again, work,
somewhere I asked is it connected with that different man?
promise me to call me every time you can, none rang until this day,
on monday you left to a hotel room, I didn’t find your name, missing you every minute,
thinking, if you felt the same way, odd,
you arrived again to visit me; you met my sister,
loving you in the first sight, I felt nervous, happy, excited,
laughing, we went on our journey, alone, through the streets of the south,
the sun glistering on the smell of history, tale’s of black african,
staying on an island with an empty bathtub,
visiting family, driving home, again, departing,
leaving for your birthday, our days arrive, a year, we met,
I feel your fading away, more friends shrouded in mystery,
my trust eroding under your fear, celebrating your birthday under friends,
for me, for a first time I feel truly comfortable, the last day,
you hug me the same way, you wanted to say goodbye,
I stayed another night, you apologize with self made sushi time,
you tell me how much you love, the next day, you break,
staying in the rain, cold, on the phone, too much too handle,
unhappy with yourself, unhappy with your life,
this relationship, telling me, is not what you are looking for,
my heart, I ask, if you are sure, bye;